Overcoming resistance to memory care

Ask Phyllis: a blog series of frequently asked real estate questions.

Overcoming resistance to memory care

Dear Phyllis,

I am another loyal reader who enjoys your real estate advice. My question has a twist. I am my mother’s conservator, she has dementia. Although she has caretakers, it’s getting to be the time that I will need to sell her home to continue to pay for her care. I can’t sell the home while she is living there. My two brothers are no help, and the responsibility rests with me. I have many sleepless nights worrying about how I will get her moved. She gets furious and will not go willingly. Part of her dementia is she is very suspicious of my motives. I hope you have some sage advice so I can get on with selling her home.

Audrey

Dear Audrey,

I understand that you don’t want to sell the home with your mother in it. I agree that it would be very confusing for her in her present situation, at best. Overcoming her resistance to moving to memory care will be difficult, and I sympathize with you.

Since she’s suspicious of your motives, perhaps your mother would be more receptive to advice from a trusted friend or doctor, who can explain the benefits of her moving. Instead of framing the move as permanent, present it as a temporary stay or a trial period to help her feel more comfortable. Highlight the positive aspects, like increased social interaction or activities she might enjoy.

For instance, I had a client in a similar situation who successfully managed it by gradually getting her mother accustomed to the facility. Initially, she began by taking her mother there for lunch. You may need to do this multiple times. Her goal was to gradually help her mother become acquainted and comfortable with the staff. Once that foundation is set, and if your mother is able, gently introduce her to a few activities. This approach worked well for my client, and I hope it will be effective for you as well.

I wish you the best in getting your mom the necessary care and the sale of her home.