What is elder abuse?

Ask Phyllis: a blog series of frequently asked real estate questions.

What is elder abuse?

Dear Phyllis,

Three years ago, my sister moved in with my parents to their four-bedroom home in Tustin. She brought her large mixed-breed dog, which has caused considerable damage. Recently, I discovered that my parents took out a $700,000 loan. Part of the money was used to build a one-bedroom guest house for my sister. However, since the house already has four bedrooms, I don’t see why it was necessary. I also doubt that the guest house cost $700,000 to build. The rest of the money is unaccounted for.

Although my father is retired with a good pension and my parents receive Social Security, the loan and home maintenance have become a financial burden. Unfortunately, my sister and I have not spoken since she moved in. She also leaves whenever I visit. My father often seems confused, and when I ask my mother questions, she avoids giving clear answers. Despite this, she and I have discussed moving them into Senior Living, which she agrees would be best. We found a great option near my family in Glendale, and I keep encouraging her to get on the waiting list and put their home on the market.

However, my sister strongly influences my parents and appears to prioritize her interests. I only want what is best for them. I would appreciate any guidance you can offer.
Concerned Daughter

Dear Concerned Daughter,

I’m sorry you’re facing such a complex and frustrating situation. The simplest solution would be to hold a family meeting—if your sister is willing to cooperate. However, based on what you’ve described, that seems unlikely. Clearly, your mother understands what is best for her and your father, but your sister seems to have an undue influence over them. From your account, it does not appear that she prioritizes their well-being but rather her own.

I wish I had a simple solution, but you may need legal assistance. In your case, financial abuse may be a concern if your sister has influenced your parents into taking out a large loan that does not seem to benefit them. Since your father appears confused, and your mother avoids answering your questions, there may also be emotional manipulation at play. If you suspect elder abuse, consulting an attorney who specializes in elder law could help you protect your parents’ rights and well-being. I wish you all the best of luck.